Trying to control and change the
people around us creates great problems in our relationships. 
When people we love are
expressing themselves, we're thinking about what we wish they would
say, and it blocks us from hearing clearly. A need for safety and for a
guarantee that we won't be abandoned urges us to manipulate the people
we love.
We know we have innocent motives.
We say we only want what is best and that we are only trying to protect
ourselves or be helpful.
But we hide from the effects our
actions have on our relationships.
We seem to be more trapped in
these self-centered behaviors with the ones we are closest to.
We can change ourselves by slowly
releasing our security grip on others.
We can focus more on
understanding what others are saying to us than on changing how they
think and feel.
Intimacy is clearly seeing each
other and knowing the differences as well as the similarities. It
requires that both people be allowed to walk on separate paths.
