For many of us, memories of our past behavior seem to live in cages, like wild animals.

If we enter the cages, the beasts attack us.

Why do we give memory this power to wound?

We sometimes seem to want the unproductive pain of a shameful remembrance, as though we had sentenced ourselves to feel badly, as if our pain could alter the past -- or pay for it.

It's time to forgive ourselves.

We know what's past is past, and the only time we have is the present. We may feel as though we carry a complicated weight of guilt and shame, but the act of releasing ourselves is simple -- an act of self-acceptance.

Let us greet the present in the best way we know, and let go of regrets.

We've stood on the sidelines longing to be invited into what we think is some sort of magical circle.

If only they would ask us in, we think, we'd be transformed -- we'd be somebody then. 

But look around.

The circle is composed of people just like us: insecure at times, frightened, unsure.

They have felt anxiety and feared rejection just as we have.

The pain will pass, and if we use these times to get to know and understand ourselves a bit better, we'll be better able to understand others when they're feeling left out and lonely.

And when it's our turn to choose a team or send a valentine, we'll remember.