What does it mean to act "as if"? When we feel angry and unforgiving, it means we act as if we forgave someone who stepped on our toes, or took our parking place, or ruined our paintbrush.

When we feel cold and self-pitying, it means to act as if we were warmly interested in the child or friend or spouse who has something to tell us. It can be a wonderful exercise.

If we really give ourselves to the performance, we can act as if, and the mood we imitate becomes real.

Oscars will never be given for acting as if, but the rewards are far more useful.

Acting as if can salvage a bad day; it can repair or prevent a quarrel.

Act as if we didn't have a headache, and often the headache disappears. Act as if we weren't in a hurry and often we will have time for everything.

When we were small, adults said to us, "Don't make a face or you'll freeze that way." Now that we're grown, we can learn how to imitate, flexibly, what we want.

Instead of freezing into negative postures, we reach for agreeable ones -- and so often "as if" becomes "as is."

Once there were four sixth-graders -- two boys and two girls -- who started to fight even though they'd been friends for years.

One morning at the bus stop, the boys started playing keep-away with the girls' shoes and wouldn't give them back.

One of the mothers called the school. 

Later that day, the counselor called them in and asked them what the fight was all about. They said they didn't really know. 

"Well," said the counselor, "it doesn't really matter why you started fighting. Right now, you've got three choices: keep on fighting, ignore each other, or make up." 

The group chose to ignore each other, after discussing it among themselves.

 They were happy to be able to stop fighting.

About the time of winter vacation, they decided to be friends again.